What King? May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. 35.) And if you drink, may you drink with me. All glasses off the table! 11. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. Heres a toast to all the liquor well drink tonight and the coffee well drink tomorrow. Hey bartender, I need a beer. "If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar!" 20. If you Fight, may you fight for a friend. Here's to "The Usual". 1. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. Things got a little tense. Heres to the only day I will ever be a morning person, December 25th. Everyone else: . Now we compare statins. "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." An oldie but goodie. Heres to the long and straight piece in Tetris. 8. What is this, asks the bartender, some kind of joke?. Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) A quick death and an easy one. Use to increase sales during happy . But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. Heres to swimmin with bowlegged women. We have only today. 3.) Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else whos buying. Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. When I was a little girl, I had a little quim. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. All the rest can go to hell. Strike hands with me. If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar! Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. This maybe the last time We see this cup. The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. "Just water," replied the priest. ], [Retrieved from 6. When you feel like crap from drinking wine, its called the grape depression. Take everything in moderation including moderation. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. A: Tequila Mockingbird. This Irish toast is perfect for you if you are an honest fellow. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? Here's to wars and revolution. 10 Funny Drinking Toasts You Probably Haven't Heard. But those ships may sink. Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, and to hell with you. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. 4. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. 7. Doesnt everyone?Noel Coward, There comes a time in every womans life when the only thing that helps is a glass of Champagne.Bette Davis, Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleepwhoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. May the roof over your head be always strong. Friends bring happiness into your life. Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. A tennis ball walks into a bar. Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. Heres to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. 14. Cheers to that. It is best to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, ones present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason. 11.) Toasts Quotes. 128 Views. And he adds much to my life,He buys me every thing I want May the doctor never earn even a cent from you. 28.) Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. No retreat, no surrender. Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? No more reading! Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as #7. BloonWars 10 yr. ago. Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife . And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! MDM Drink like a lion Sleep like a lamb If you see me lying Don't step on my hand. Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. Heres to it, And to it again. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. A time traveler walks into a bar. May you always walk on a path lined with happy moments at every bend and a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment. Let us have a toast to one of the best men I have enjoyed getting to know. But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Take this fun personality quiz and find out now! To Honor! 9.) To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Humorous birthday toasts. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. May it live as long as you last. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. 93.) When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Everyone in this room here today is better for knowing you, and we are truly thankful for you being a part of our lives. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think, Is most entitled to it; For if anything drives men to drink, She certainly can do it. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. So, fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it. May they soon improve. He does the cows and heifers good. 15. Where you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome a company that you keep. Heres to friends and family who know us well but love us just the same! After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. 3.) An Irishman walks out of a bar. 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. Heres to working like you dont need money, loving like youve never been hurt, and dancing like nobodys watching. "Happy birthday! Here's to whores and prostitution, big ole bulls that keep on buckin and pretty little girls that keep on fuckin. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. The Irish are famous for their colorful sayings and quotes. What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Naturally, they have quite a few that are just right for New Year's Eve. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!" 6. Ive lost three days already. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. 71.) In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. Look at it as halfway to your next beer. I drank to your health alone. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. See more ideas about drinking toasts, drinking quotes, funny toasts. Another year has passed, and youre no older than the last! May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Press J to jump to the feed. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. In a bookshop, Temple Bar district. Heartbreak makes you wiser. Hey bartender, I need a beer. However, in casual settings, the terms are often used interchangeably. 15.) I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. 10. 3.) Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. Look out stomach, here it comes. Heres to all the days that end in Y. Whether youre heading out on the town or day drinking during a lockdown, youll find just the right line to share with your friends. To this fine person standing before me. A toast is a sign of honor and goodwill. Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." Heres to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Be the life of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners. To Men. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. 67.) May they soon improve. 37. I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. My love grows for my foamy friend, With each thirst-quenching elbow bend. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. 83.) Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. Heres to the husbands whove won you, the losers whove lost you, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you. -Nick Mercer, 3. Here's to the people we've . 26.) Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. One beer, two beer, three beer, four. Two beer or not two beer, thats the question! William Shakesbeer. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. 37.) Heres to women! Lets have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies. "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. Pain makes you stronger. Beer is made from hops. May this be the least happy day of your life. 2. Toasts for Women. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. Some ships are wooden ships. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets. C. Fields. "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present." #8. I drank to your health in company. We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. 8. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. - Rodney Dangerfield. 10. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! I drank to your health in company. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, You look nice today. A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, Thats a nice shirt. The guy asks the bartender, Who is that? The bartender says, Those are the peanuts. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. I shant. Heres to your liver! "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". And to make an end is to make a beginning. 6. Hopefully, you wont be too drunk to remember these drinking toasts when it matters. . By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, youll be happy. If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? All rights reserved. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. 95.) Pain makes you stronger. 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